Stumbling does not always lead to a fall.

It was a Friday. One of those Fridays when you're glad to see the week is finished because it didn't go like you wanted it kind of Fridays. Everyday seemed like a struggle to get through and I've stumbled more times than I would like to admit. I'm driving home weary and worn rehearsing the week's events in my mind. This is what I do when I mess up. Replay the happening... question my own motive... try to get to the bottom of my feelings. I ponder through the should've, could've, would've thoughts and park those right in the driveway with my Jeep knowing this kind of thinking leads me back to the Land of Not Enough. There's no going back to the land so I head on into the house to feed the hungry crew and try to distract my churning brain.

The youngest and his cousin are sprawled out in front of the television and I plop down with them hoping to distract myself with whatever they are watching. Next thing I know it's long after midnight and I'm making my way to my room. I climb under the covers, get all comfortable, close my eyes... and wait. Sleep won't come and my brain feels like a merry go round in the park. Turning things 'round and 'round in my mind. It makes me want to scream, but instead I talk to myself... well not out loud.

"Stacy, cut it out. There is nothing you can do about this in the dark hours of morning. Let it go. Think happy thoughts. Count some sheep!" No amount of will power is working and just as things continue to turn I hear Him. A whisper from somewhere deep inside plucks me off this spinning ride and I go to the place I know holds the answers. There in Galatians I read,

You foolish Galatians! Who has bewitched you? Before your very eyes Jesus Christ was clearly portrayed as crucified.  I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard?  Are you so foolish? After beginning by means of the Spirit, are you now trying to finish by means of the flesh?--Galatians 3:1-3

And there it is in black and white. This turning and churning all a result of my foolishness. Not because I messed up, we all do, but because I'm trying to finish things on my own. Old habits die hard and this one keeps rearing it's ugly head. Its the way I've worked since I can remember. Give me a task, start something... and I'll work to finish it. I'll come up with a plan and make a list. I'll set the calendar and work to accomplish the next thing until it is all tied up and complete.

There's just one problem. I forget the One who began all this work in the first place. All the doing and striving leaves me dizzy and stumbling at the end of the day. When did I decide this was my work to finish? Why in the world am I trying to complete what He has started? Don't I trust Him to do what's best for everyone... in every circumstance? OUCH! Well that hurt a bit. Not in the "I'm so ashamed" way, but more like a "light in the darkness way".

Light shining in the dark... that's His way. Sometimes it happens in the early hours of a Saturday morning, or joining with ladies for Bible study. Other times light spills right out of a child's mouth or a song I hear on the radio.... words from friends or the sun bursting through on a cloudy day.

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.--1 John 1:5

I would like to say I fell right to sleep with this new revelation sinking deep down in my bones... but no. I spent some time coloring. If you know me you won't be surprised.

Trust... delight... commit. Be still... wait. This is what it looks like to leave the finishing up to Him. When we do we may stumble around a bit, but He will NOT let us Fall.